Some language courses are pathetic... or even shocking. Look what happens to this girl when she's trying to learn survival Spanish.

Welcome to "Learn Spanish" lesson 1. Imagine you're in a building. You meet a nice man in the corridor. He says "hello" by saying "hola".
- Hola.
This means "hello". You can say "hello" back by saying "hola". Try it.
- Hola.
He smiles and asks "How are you?".
- ¿Cómo estás?
You can reply with "I'm good, thanks" by saying "bien, gracias".
- Bien, gracias.
Just say he likes you. He asks you if you're free after work.
- ¿Estás ocupada después del trabajo?
You say "I'm sorry, I'm busy tonight", which is "lo siento, estoy ocupada esta noche". Oh, I'm sorry. Would you like to go out with him?
- Yes.
Yea, I'd like to go out sometimes too. Ok, I-I would love to have my own fun scenario with strangers in a foreign country too. What if I take this guy away from you? You get shot and you scream.
- What?! Oh my God!
And one man runs up to you and asks "where is the library?"
- ¿Dónde está la biblioteca?
Tell him.
- I don't know where the library is.
It's down the street. "Todo recto por esa calle".
- Are you serious?
The burglar kicks you for answering too slowly.
- Oh my God!
You hear a baby cry.
- Did you hear a baby cry?
Dance.
- What?!
Dance for me. Like a monkey.
- You're sick, I'm not dan-...
Oh no, you get shot again for disobeying.
- What? Oh my God!
Before he leaves, the burglar takes your phone and wallet.
- No, no, no, no... wait.
You get naked.
- What?
End of lesson one.

Yea, you know, now I think about it I never did well in Spanish class.
- Mi madre es- mim- mi madre es camarera.
- ¿y tu padre?
- Mi padr- mi padre es camarero también.
- ¿y tu hermana?
- Mi hermana es camarera también.
- Interesante. ¿A qué te dedicas?
- Soy camarera.
- ¿Dónde vives?
- La biblioteca.
- ¿Cuántos años tienes?
- Siete.
- ¿Cómo te llamas?
- Necesito un médico.

Needless to say, I discontinued my ++++, yea. It wasn't as big a part of my degree in the end as I had originally hoped it to be. I never got that PHD in linguistics. But have you... a- got any fun memories of learning a language? If you do, let me know. Otherwise, if you think that there's a compulsory phrase one must learn when learning a language, let me know what you think it is, because I'm certain there's one sentence out there, and if you learn it, like should you learn in every language, you'll be ok, like you should be able to survive. For me at the moment I think the phrase is "may I have something to drink?", because your body can last for a long time off just liquids. That's survival skill.
[etc]

BY SAYING= We use BY + ING to express how something is done.
- He says "hello" by saying "hola" = He says "hello" (in Spanish). How? By saying "hola"
- He entered the house by breaking a window = How did he enter the house? Breaking a window.
If you don't use BY, it often expresses a simultaneous action, not necessarily the way it happens:
- He entered the house by shouting her name (that's the way he could enter, when she heard her name, she opened the door to him).
- He entered the house shouting her name (that's what he was doing when he entered the house).

SAY HELLO BACK= Reply "hello".
The particle "back" often expresses the idea that the action returns to its origin, so if someone speaks to you and you reply to them, the origin of the conversation is in them: they say something to you, and you say something back (to them), so the circle closes. Other examples are "come back" (return to your original place), "give it back" (I gave it to you, now you must return it to me), "put it back in the box" (it was in the box, someone took it out, now put it in the box again).

JUST SAY HE LIKES YOU= (coll.) Let's imagine he likes you.
We can use "say" to introduce a hypothesis:
- Say you don't know her. What would you tell her? = Imagine you don't know her. What would you tell her if you didn't know her?

SCENARIO= Situation.

UP TO= As far as.
We use "until" for time (and space), and "up to" for space:
- I have to work until 5 o'clock.
- You must go up to the cinema and then turn right.

I DON'T KNOW WHERE THE LIBRARY IS= This is not a question, so there is no inversion ("...where the library is"). When we use an interrogative word in a question, we need inversion ("where is the library? I don't know").

ARE YOU SERIOUS?= Do you mean what you say or are you joking?

BURGLAR= A person who breaks into a house to steal things (a robber).

KICK= Hit with your foot.
Kicks you for answering... = kicks you because you answered...

YOU'RE SICK= (coll.) You have a mental problem; you're nasty.

NAKED= /neɪkɪd/ Nude, with no clothes, bare.

NEEDLESS TO SAY,= Obviously.

DISCONTINUED= Stopped.

MY DEGREE= My university studies.

PHD= (or PH.D) Doctor of Philosophy. The highest degree (title) you can get at university when you study humanistic subjects (history, linguistics, psychology, philosophy, etc.). When you study for a PHD, you specialize in one particular subject which is your "major". If you major in linguistics, when you finish your studies you get a PHD in linguistics.

OTHERWISE= If not,  / or else,  / if that is not the case,

COMPULSORY= Obligatory, required.

I'M CERTAIN= I'm sure.

OFF= If you live off something, you live feeding on it (eating or drinking it).

SKILL= Ability; knowledge.