A commercial: Baby and his buddy Mike enjoy a first-class flight home, while the  machine works its techno-magic.

So I'm on a red-eye back from a bachelor party with my buddy Mike. He's a terrible, terrible dancer. He's actually right back...what up Mike!
Hey dude.
Yea. This is how he dances... Oooo!...so....haunting. Anyway, while I was away the E*Trade machine...thanks Martha...worked its techno magic. Triggered my stop-loss orders, saved me a pant load.
Please fasten your seat belts.
Dad?!?!
No Mike, that's the pilot. He's making an an(nouncement).
Dad?!?!

Upgrade to first class investing technology at E*Trade.

A RED-EYE= A night flight leaving from 9p till 5am. It's called "red eye" because people taking those cheap flights should be sleeping but they aren't, so their eyes are red.

A BACHELOR PARTY= (also called colloquially "a stag party") A party made for a bachelor a few days before he gets married.

BUDDY= (coll. AmE) Friend.

WHAT UP!= (coll. AmE) What's up = hello.

DUDE= (coll. AmE) A way to address a man ("hey dude" is more colloquial than "hey man").

HAUNTING= (coll.) Memorable, impossible to forget.

TRIGGERED= Activated.

A PANT LOAD= (coll. AmE) A lot (in this context it may be a lot of money or a lot of time).

UPGRADE= If you upgrade, you change to something of superior quality.