Some important basic information you must know if you guy want to be a Romeo. If you're a girl, see How to Flirt with Men.

Hello and welcome to VideoJug. You’d like to know how to flirt. Press 1 if you would like to flirt with a woman. Press 2 if- You have selected a woman. Please wait while the flirt-with-a-woman programme loads.

Please, confirm your woman has arrived.

QUESTION ONE: SMELL

You are about to begin flirting with a woman. Should you smell...?
A- fresh and recently showered?
B- of aftershave
C- like a dead badger

You have picked B, "of aftershave". This is the wrong answer. You have picked A, "fresh and recently showered". Correct!

QUESTION TWO: BODY POSITIONS

Please, demonstrate: How close should you stand to this woman?

QUESTION THREE: EYE CONTACT

Demonstrate on your woman where your eyes should focus when talking or listening.

- You are looking at her boobs. This is incorrect.
- You are looking around the room. This is incorrect.
- You are looking at your watch. This is incorrect.
- You are looking into her eyes. Correct!

QUESTION FOUR: TOUCH

Where is it ok to touch someone you are flirting with?

Cease and desist! Cease and desist!

QUESTION FIVE: CONVERSATION

Please, decide whether the following subjects are appropriate when flirting with this woman:

- You’re in love of samba.
- You’re in love of train sets
- You’re in love of sensuous Italian food
- You’re in love of her beautiful hair
- Your mum
- Your ex-girlfriend
- Your affair with your ex-girlfriend’s mum

Well done, all correct! Now try this supplementary question:

The woman seems to like you so you become more intimate. Press the button when the subject matter stops being flirtatious and starts being inappropriate:

- I’d like you to come out to dinner with me
- I’d like you to come a bit closer
- I’d like to come all over you

Congratulations! You have reached the end of the programme. You can now flirt with a woman. Good luck flirting with a woman.

Notice that in this "computer simulated talk", the articles A and THE are very often pronounced fully, with a strong pronunciation, and so they sound like the letter A (as in "name") and like "thee". But in normal English both are pronounced with a SCHWA (see the phonetic section).

FLIRT= to try to get more or less intimate with a person of the opposite sex, often in a playful way, nothing too serious.

LOAD= if a programme is loading, all the data is being processed by the computer so that you have to wait till the loading is finished before using the programme or having access to the data. BrE spelling: "programme", AmE spelling: "program".

CONFIRM= to express somehow that what you did or what you said is correct. In this sentence the conjunction is dropped, as we often do, especially in spoken English. The complete sentence would be: "confirm THAT your woman has arrived"

YOU ARE ABOUT TO= The expression "be about to" is used to express a future action that is going to happen in a moment. If I say "it’s going to rain", I’m talking about something that will happen in the future, probably near future. If I say "it’s about to rain" I mean that it’s probably going to rain in a few seconds or minutes.

TO BEGIN FLIRTING= The verbs "begin, start, finish" may be followed by –ING or infinitive with TO, so we can say "it began raining" or "it began to rain", with no difference in meaning.

SHOULD= this modal verb is used to give advice

FRESH= talking about food or drinks it means "recent" ("fresh bread" has been made a few hours ago, not yesterday). But it also means "pure, without contamination or pollution", like in "fresh air". In this case we’re talking about human smell, so in this context the contamination would be the body odour, so to have a fresh smell means to smell as if you are clean and recently showered, or even with a slight fragrance (just slight).

OF AFTERSHAVE= "Aftershave" is a product used by men on their face after shaving, to protect their skin and prevent infections, usually fragranced. The verb "to smell" uses the preposition OF, so we say "you smell of aftershave" if that’s the smell I get from you. We can also use the preposition LIKE "this room smells like flowers". Notice that "I smell flowers" (that is what I smell) is different from "I smell like flowers" (that is my smell).

BADGER= a wild animal a little bit similar to a cat but more furry, with short legs and long claws, which makes his house in a hole under the ground. To smell like a dead badger is, as you can guess, to smell really bad. Not a common expression but sometimes used (at least in Canada).

PICK= choose

CLOSE TO= near. "I live near the river" = "I live close to the river"

FOCUS= concentrate, pay attention

BOOBS= colloquial English for the breasts of a woman. The upper part of the human trunk (thorax) is called CHEST for men and women. We can also call it BREAST. But if we use it in the plural, BREASTS, we are referring to the two fatty bulges most women have on their chest, originally intended for feeding babies. Another colloquial word for this (maybe a bit more rude) is "tits".

LOOKING INTO HER EYES= notice the preposition

WHERE ... FLIRTING WITH?= In modern English, questions beginning with an interrogative word (wh-words) always start with the interrogative word, so if we want to use a preposition with it, the preposition is placed at the end of the sentence:
- who do you live with? (NOT *with who do you live)
- what are you looking at? (NOT *at where are you looking)
To be quite frank, this rule doesn’t work 100%, sometimes we do put a preposition in front of an interrogative word (but most of the times it would be wrong), and it is perfectly common to say "at what time do you get up?" or "what time do you get up?". If we use a preposition in front of WHO then we have to use WHOM instead, and the resulting sentence sounds very formal: "with whom are you going?" (much more normal is "who are you going with?")

CEASE= formal English for STOP
DESIST= formal English for STOP
CEASE AND DESIST= A judge may issue a cease-and-desist order to stop an illegal activity (a formal, usually legal expression).

WHETHER= a preposition used to introduce an alternative:
- go and see whether the museum is open (or not)
- you’ll be sorry whether you win or whether you loose
Note than in these cases we can use IF ("go and see if the museum is open"), but when we use IF in a conditional sentence, we cannot use "whether" (I’ll go if you invite me).

APPROPRIATE= right, correct for that situation (a formal word)

YOU’RE IN LOVE OF= it’s more usual to say "in love with". If you’re in love with a person, you love them, if you’re in love with something, you like it very much.

TRAIN SET= a toy consisting of a train, complete with railway tracks and maybe buildings (train station, houses), trees, animals, etc.

SENSUOUS= very good for the senses, being a pleasure for the senses (smell, touch, sight, taste, hearing). The word "sensual" is similar, but usually has sexual connotations.

MUM (BrE)= MOM (AmE). Because of the different pronunciations in Br and Am English, the pronunciation of "mum" in Britain" is more or less the same as "mom" in America (because U in Britain and O in America are pronounced with a sound very similar to the Latin or Spanish A)

AFFAIR= A romantic and sexual relationship, sometimes one of brief duration, between two people who are not married to each other.

SUPLEMENTARY= additional

THE SUBJECT’S MATTER= the topic, the thing they’re talking about

INAPPROPRIATE= incorrect for the situation

COME= it is a verb of motion, expressing a movement towards me or towards you (you can come with me / wait, I’m coming with you). But there is another colloquial use to it, kind of rude, with a sexual meaning: to ejaculate. So in the last sentences, they use the verb COME with the usual meaning, which is ok for the situation, but the last sentence, "I’d like to come all over you" uses this verb with it’s sexual meaning, so it is inappropriate to use when flirting and he rightly presses the button.

CONGRATULATIONS= this is what we say to someone when he has done very good at something. In conversational English it is getting common to say CONGRATS. If it’s somebody’s birthday we don’t say "congratulations", but "happy birthday".

REACH THE END= get to the end, finish

SUMMARY OF RECOMMENDATIONS

How To Flirt With Women
Keep flirting without getting slapped with our tips on how to flirt with women.
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Step 1:
Smell
When you are about to begin flirting with a woman you should smell fresh and recently showered - not like a dead badger.
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Step 2:
Body positions
When you are flirting with a woman don't stand too close and don't invade her personal space.
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Step 3:
Eye contact
When you are flirting with a woman you must not look at her boobs. Equally, don't start looking around the room, or at your watch. Whilst flirting make sure you are looking into her eyes.
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Step 4:
Touching
When you are flirting with a woman do not touch her anywhere intimate. Restrict touching to areas that can't be misread such as the arm.
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Step 5:
Conversation
Stick to subjects that are appropriate for flirting with a woman such as your love of samba or sensuous Italian food or her beautiful hair. Do not talk about inappropriate subjects such as your mum, your love of train sets or your ex-girlfriend.