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No food diet (The Onion)
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On this TV programme they interview the author of a book called "No Food Diet". As she explains, if you want to lose weight, very often stopping eating is not enough because of the hidden calories. She proposes that you could eat things instead of food (Kleenex, telephones, etc), but be careful, some things are much more fattening than others (a golf ball has many more calories than a tennis ball). With the help of this wonderful book you can get slim too: as she says at the end, "I know I'm still fat, but I'm getting there".
A text version here by next week.

This is a TEXT VERSION (not an exact or complete transcript)
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After watching the video, read these sentences and see if you can spot them when you listen to the video a second time:

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Even with exercise, it can be very difficult to lose weight, can’t it?
It is, but help is on the way, because joining us this morning is Alana Brixton Bramby, author of the new self-help book: "Don’t Eat your Desk".

All the tips in this book come from your own personal struggle with weight loss.
Jim, absolutely. Like all the ladies out there, I have had to struggle to control my weight. I used to not eat at all. No breakfast, no lunch, no dinner. I wasn’t getting even close to my weight loss goal.

It’s those hidden calories I was eating without even realizing it.
Like the cream in my coffee.
Or the pencil that you mindlessly chew on. When that pencil is done, you’ve consumed 26 calories.

At the office I was consuming post-it notes, one after the other.

A bath-mat has 387 calories. 420 calories a baseball. And yet a tennis ball is only 126!
Well, that’s because it’s filled with air. I mean, it’s all about those smart choices. Why eat a washcloth when a whole box of Kleenexes is gonna kill those hunger pangs just the as well and it’s only half the calories. Yeah, plus, if you happen to start crying uncontrollably without warning, you have your Kleenex box right there.

Of course, I mean, nobody’s perfect, we all make mistakes. I’ve come home, I’ve looked at the pillow and I had to have it, I had to eat it. I saw the brocade, it had to be inside me. Don’t worry! I mean, the best of us have done that.

It’s not all about self-control. That telephone you’ve been craving, go ahead, you can eat it. Just don’t eat the cords and the buttons.

We all have a waist to go. I know I’m still fat but I am getting there, and I am committed.

I’m happy with myself, I’m happy with my body. Oh, I’m just a happy, happy person. I’m just so happy! Oh boy, am I happy!

3:20            
 
 

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