Tadadee-da-da-da-dah
Are you asleep, love?... Are you asleep!?... Love. Are you asleep ?
Oh, I think someone is looking for her bedtime story, is she? How about your favourite? Sleeping Beauty. Now, where is it? Let me see.

Once upon a time in a kingdom far away, a princess was born, and she was very beautiful, so they called her Beauty. Beauty was indeed very beautiful, just like yourself, love. But she was soon to learn that when it comes to the harsher lessons of this life, beauty is not going to get you very far, very far, very...

Anyway, soon as was the day of her christening and everybody in the kingdom had gathered for this joyful occasion, including the lovely pretty fairies of the forest, who are soon to be Beauty's glamorous god-mothers. Oh yes, everyone was invited to this christening. Everyone, that is, except maybe the one person who might have done with the day out.

Do you know who that was, do you?  I'll tell you. It was the elderly fairy, and do you know why nobody had thought to invite the elderly fairy, love? Well I'll tell you, it's because she was old and decrepit and not one but useful in the eyes of other younger and more exciting fairies who all still have their muscle tone.

Oh, let's not invite this stinking old fairy, they probably said, she smells of dirty bed sheets, and all  she ever talks about is her bad knee. Sure, she would probably fall asleep after 10 minutes anyway. Why should we care about someone who spent her life working on behalf of the entire community? So the elderly fairy felt a little bit rejected and left out as... as well she might.

So she decided she'd show that child a thing or two about how it feels to be old and constantly sleepy. First of all she surprised them by appearing in the middle of their la-dee-dah christening party in a huge cloud of toxic green smoke. Ha, ha, ha, ha. Of course they had their excuses as so why they hadn't bothered inviting her. Oh, I thought you wouldn't want be out and about with your knee giving you so much trouble, said the queen. I thought you died months ago said one of the stupid young fairies.

Now, do you think the elderly fairy being older and wiser was able to forgive them? Don't be ridiculous, of course she wasn't! She loomed over the cradle in a menacing manner and laughed for a very long time. Ha ha ha ha... It was for longer than that.

Oooh, look at you, aren't you great with your smooth complexions and your social calendars, dancing around on your working legs! You make me sick and you look at me and you find me so old and repulsive. Well, I've learnt a thing or two in my time. Try this on for size and with that she put a terrible curse on the party that each and everyone of them would die in the instant they ever fell asleep. Ha ha ha ha...

All right, so love, that's me for tonight. You sleep well and I'll see you in the morning... with the help of God.

Sleep...go to sleep...Go to sleeeeep...If they ever fell asleep...They would die...They would die...They would die die die die... weren't good enough for them...